Selah - Stop and listen

I graduate in 56 days. It's been a few months now that I've been trying to sort out my life for what is in store for me after graduation. While so many things are going right, there has been something that has tethered me down and has prevented me from feeling free. It's been a process trying to put all the pieces of my life into the right boxes, all neat and tidy. I've been pondering about what the future has in store for me.

Most of all I am learning how to wait and be patient. I sure have a lot of questions about a wide variety of things. I am the type of person who likes to have everything figured out. I like to have a plan of what I'm going to do each day and what my life will look like for the next 3-5 years. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way. I am learning how to place my whole trust in the Lord that He will reveal the answers to all of them when the time is right. 

In all of the craziness of life and with me trying to make sense of everything the Lord has been very patient with me. For a while now he has been trying to comfort me by placing His hands on my tense shoulders and saying "Calm my child." While I have heard this request from Him, I haven't really heard it or let it sink in. Instead, I let my flesh take over and get caught up in the daily shuffle of life.

I personally think that God is up there giggling at me and shaking His head while saying, "You silly goose. I've got it all figured out for you. There is no need to fret or frown." So being the loving God that He is, instead of giving up on me or being frustrated, He just presented the information in a different way. This came in the way of friends, music lyrics, strangers and daily blessings. And this is how it has happened... 

My friends recently have come to my rescue in helping to calm me down and give me hope. I've had the chance to have some really honest and real life conversations had with some close friends recently. These have helped gain a sense of peace. Late night sleeping bag star circles and open ears has helped me to put my fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams out into the open. Having a friend who intentionally takes the time to ask questions about things going on in my life to get down to the root of things, instead of staying on the surface level. 

This month I started being pen pals with this lovely individual I met through some mutual Jesus loving friends. We are practically strangers (as of now, but the friendship that is in store for us is going to be amazing) but decided that it would be fun to start writing letters. In her first letter to me she said in these exact words, "I felt Jesus wanted me to tell you to be still in Him." WOAH. This is exactly what I needed to hear and the Lord laid it on her heart to be another person to say this to me. 

I have also been finding that blessings come in big and small packages. I have also come to realize that they are a daily thing. One of my favorite daily blessing is the morning sunrise that I get to see on my commute to work. It reminds me that each day is a clean, yet beautiful slate and that no day (or sunrise) is ever the same. It challenges me to make the most of each moment in the day no matter what is planned. 

It is rare that such a simple song can move me to tears or give me so much peace. The song called "I shall not want" by Audrey Assad played on my radio while I was driving home from school recently and it put everything into great perspective for me. The lyrics are so humble and inspiring. Let these lyrics soak deep into your soul. 

"From the love of my own comfort.

From the fear of having nothing.

From a life of worldly passions.

From the need to be understood.

From the need to be accepted.

From the fear of being lonely.

From the fear of death or trial.

From the fear of humility. 

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want."

A word that has stuck out to me and that have been clinging onto is SELAH. It is a Hebrew word with a few different meanings. My favorite is that it means to 'stop and listen'. I need to do more of this. I need to stop to hear what the Lord (and others) are doing in my life and listen to what they have to say. 

Scouting is...

Girl Scouts is something that has been a big part of my life ever since I was a small child and will continue to be with me until the day I die. Some of my favorite memories in my life have a direct link to Scouting. To me, scouting is so many different things and has had such an impact on my life.

Scouting is...

FRIENDSHIP:

I have had the chance to travel to some really cool places and have been fortunate enough to meet some amazing people along the way. In all of this, I have found that Scouting is an invisible yet bold bond that links you to people that you've never met. The minute Scouting comes into the conversation, there is an instant connection and spark of friendship. I have become penpals with Scouts overseas who have taught me bits and pieces of their cultures. I am positive that the girls that I have met in Scouting over the years will be my friends until the end. They will be the girls that continue to encourage and support me. They may also be some of the girls that stand up in my wedding one day.

ADVENTURE:
My Scout friends and I have gone on some pretty great adventures over the years. For example, staying in a youth hostel in Madison, Wisconsin. Or that time when we got to learn how to fly private airplanes (and the fact that the pilot actually let us be in control of the steering controls. Eek). And that one time in high school that we created and led this huge scavenger hunt in the mall for younger girls, all while wearing crazy colored tutus. Or the summers that I've spent in Nebraska at a business-leadership camp for high school girls.

LEADERSHIP:

Girl Scouts and Girl Guides aim to build girls up to be confident leaders. My leadership skills have been shaped and enhanced as a result of doing my Gold Award project. It was with this project that I really learned how to plan, delegate, and follow through with a plan to help meet a need in my community. I also learned good leadership skills when I was a camp counselor at summer camp. I have learned how to speak up for myself and how to encourage others to do the same too.

TRAVEL: 

It's crazy to imagine that there are Girl Scouts literally ALL over the world. They are in countries that you've heard of and in those that you couldn't locate on the map. If it wasn't for Scouting, I wouldn't have had the chance to live in Kansas City, Missouri for two summers while serving as a camp counselor. It was through Scouts that I was able to be a chaperone for a group of high school girls and to be able to take them to an International Youth Conference in Chicago as well as the National Girl Scout Convention in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is because of this amazing organization that I am going to India this summer to serve in local communities while soaking in the culture. 

We as Girl Scouts are more than just those yummy cookies that you get once a year. We are an organization that is looking to make an impact on the world by empowering and encouraging girls to be the best that they can be. We are teaching girls to have the courage, character and confidence to be who they want to be and not to conform to society's standard of 'normal' or 'beautiful'.

So on this "World Thinking Day" I am here to express my gratitude and appreciation for this amazing global movement. I am thankful for the change it has made in my life, the people it's connected me with, and the lasting impact it has and will have on my sisters worldwide. I am thankful that my wonderful mom stepped up to be my Girl Scout leader so many years ago and stuck with it until our troop graduated from high school. It's on days like these that I can't imagine the kind of woman I would be today if Girl Scouts was not such an important part of my life.

 

Lessons on family.

Going into this semester I knew that my head would be filled to the brim with new knowledge. I had no idea that a good chunk of that knowledge would be about lessons on the importance of family. I come from an amazing family that I cherish so much, but this semester I learned about how to draw near to a family that isn't related to you by blood.

The first family that I became a part of was the 'SpEd Head' family. This family was made up of my fellow college students that were all in the same program as me as a Special Education major. We are all from the same college, were all placed in the same area of the state, but all have different stories. I looked forward to getting to know all of these individuals and to see how we would grow as professionals over the course of the semester. They were the ones that texted me back at those late hours in the evening about the silly question I had on a project. They were the ones who made the stress of the semester not seem so bad because I had someone else to share it with.

The second family I became a part of was the school staff and students at my placements. The high school I was placed at quickly became home. My students captured my heart with a strong and firm grip. These students have the BIGGEST hearts of anyone that I have ever met. Just like a family they cared for me on my good days and on my bad days. When they sensed that I was stressed they reached out with kind words to reassure me that everything would indeed be alright. They laughed at my jokes and didn't make fun of me when the grand science experiment I planned didn't go exactly as I had imagined it would. My kids at the grade school I taught at greeted me with hugs and tiny little smiles that seemed to take up their whole face. They were eager to learn and went out of their way to show me how smart they were.

The last family I became a part of was at my church. My mom jokes with me that when I first moved into this new town, finding a church was higher on the priority list than anything else, such as the mall or where the best ice cream shop was. During the middle of the week pretty early on in the semester I said a prayer to God to send me a friend at church. I told Him, "I don't need many friends. Just give me someone to hi to every Sunday. Or at least someone that will smile at me. I just want to feel like I belong." You see the Lord is amazing, and he provided me with not only one friend, but TWO that next Sunday. This family soon became known as my 'Decatur parents'. They took me in (when they didn't have to) and gave me with the comfort that only Christ can provide. While I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked (due to a busy school schedule), I appreciate every hug, prayer and text message checking in to see how I am doing.

Family is a lot about who raised you as a person. It is also about those around you that push you to be successful and encourage you along the way. I could not have made it through this semester with my  family from home (thanks Mom and Dad) and the three families I became a part of during the past six months. As this semester comes to a close and I get ready to move back home to Chicago, I have trouble with ending this chapter of the book of my life. I am not one to become attached easily, but so much good has come out of my last six months living here and in this experience. I know that it will be tough to leave all these memories behind, but I can't wait for what's in store for me in the coming months before I graduate.

Dear Future Husband...

There's this song by Meghan Trainor called "Dear Future Husband" that played on my iTunes the other day and it got me to thinking. The lyrics start out by saying, "Dear future husband, here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be my one and only all my life." Sounds pretty legit, right? In this song she talks about the various things that her future husband should or needs to do in order for her to commit to him as being her future husband.

Every girl has that list of qualifications of things that they hope their future spouse will have. You might be saying, "Jenny, I definitely don't have one of those... What are you talking about?" Don't kid yourself, you probably have at least one quality you want your future lover to have. I used always joke that there was a list of seven qualities my future boyfriend/husband had to have in order to sweep me off my feet and love me forever. It was composed of 'must haves' and 'negotiable' items.

1. Be able to sing, play an instrument or have another really cool talent.
2. Be able to rock the bow tie and/or suspender look.
3. Be humble and kind and funny.
4. Love Jesus.
5. Have an accent.
6. Be able to hold his own in a social setting (ie. is an independent man).
7. Have siblings. (Can't be an only child)

Now when I look back at this list some of them make me laugh because of the ridiculousness (for example, having an accent, what was I thinking??), some of them still hold true and there are definitely other items that I would add.

So this got me to thinking about the letter that I would write to my future husband. Now I'll make it clear that I have no intentions on getting married anytime soon... Nor do I know who my future husband will be. I am as single as a pringle right now. The one thing I am sure about is that he's out there and I'm pretty sure that he will rock my socks off.

So here goes nothing....

Dear Future Husband,

Hi there handsome. We may or may not know each other, but I think you are really great and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I have been patiently waiting for you and couldn't be more excited for the life that waits before us.

Now I am sure you already have been given the "Can this guy date/love Jenny?" test by my father, grandfather and big 'brothers'. And I am positive that you passed it with flying colors, simply because you are that amazing. I have been raised by my parents to believe that I am a unique individual and deserve someone who will treasure that. My big brothers have reminded me time and time again that I can not and should not settle for anyone that isn't willing to realize the beauty that lies deep within me. I have some pretty wise and humble men that I look up to as role models. It is my hope that you will enjoy spending time with them. I also hope you will encourage me and push me as much as they do.

We both have our past, our baggage and our flaws. That is just simply how life is. No one is perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. I have things in my past that I really like and those things that I wish I could forget about. I am sure that we will have our good and bad times, but I know that the love we have for each other will be enough to get us through. Let's take each day one step at a time, and never stop loving each other. 

I hope you like adventure, because those are my favorite. Are you ready for all the crazy ideas that roam around in my head? Are you willing to make those a reality no matter how ridiculous they sound at first? I look forward to exploring new cities and places with you. Let's venture out into the unknown and see what we find. I have a hunch that it will be fabulous and better than we could ever imagine.

Will you sing and dance with me when no one is watching (and even when they are watching too?). Do you like to do interpretative dance while driving? Because I sure do. I can't wait for the inside jokes we will call ours. I hope you are prepared for me to test out my cheesiest pick up lines on you. And I expect that you will return them with even cheesier responses.

Do you love Jesus? It is my hope that you do. If you don't, are you willing to still encourage me in my walk with Christ? This is a very important aspect in my life that I would love to share with you. I hope that we can spend time serving others and loving them like Christ loves us. I want to be a light to the world, right by your side.

So, what are we waiting for? Let's embark on this journey we call life. We will make splendid memories, have lovely conversations and grow old together. I see the love that we will share be fun, real and never ending. I love you with all of my heart already and there isn't a day that you aren't on my mind. I hope and pray that there is success in your life. I thank the Lord every day that he led me to you and for the love that we will share.

☮♡✞
Jenny

A new life motto to live by

Who knew that three short statements could change how you look and interact with the world around you. Be silly. Be honest. Be kind. So simple, yet so bold. I recently met someone that had a shirt that had this quote on it and it totally rocked my world. Instantly after reading the shirt, I went and got a piece of paper to write it down to save for later. I was given some strange looks by this individual, but that is probably because they don't understand my crazy obsession for quotes and how they provide meaning to my crazy life. 

Be silly.

Often we think that silliness is a childish thing but in reality it is something that will stay with us and be something we do each day in our life until the day we die. Look for the spark in other people's eyes. Hang out with those that just want to embrace life, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Do you like to dance when no one's watching (or when there are a bunch of people watching)? Then do it. Go all out and get those hips moving and grooving. Sing even if your voice shakes or you think it's no good. 

Be honest.

Honesty is something that should be incorporated into our life each day. Most of all I need to be honest with my self. From time to time it's important for me to check myself to see if the way that I am leading my life aligns with the core values that I hold myself to. It is important for me to be honest with those that I come in contact with. I need to let the people I care about know how much I love them. I need to be honest and raw with my feelings and emotions. I need to be honest with myself and others when something is bothering me or not right. Honesty will take you very far. 

Be kind. 

Kindness is such a powerful thing and should be something you should hold tight to. The world can be a mean, cruel and scary place, but it's crucial to be kind to everyone you meet. You may not want to give kind words to the driver who cuts you off in traffic or that one co-worker that really gets under your skin, but you must. Life is too short to say anything less than something kind. It's the greatest feeling in the world to be kind to someone else and see that smile in return. Participate in random acts of kindness. It can be a grand gesture or something very small. 

Sending a little love to you, from me.

Hello people of the internet!

So maybe you are reading this blog post because you are a faithful follower (if that's you congrats and thank you so much, I really do appreciate it) or it popped up on your FaceBook news feed. Either way, that's awesome. On the other hand you might have stumbled upon this blog post because of a hash tag or little envelope you have found rencently. It that's you, then welcome.

Let me take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Jenny. I am your average college student from Illinois. I dream of adventures, making a difference in the world and just being a light to other people. I get the energy to fuel my fire by being around other people. I love dancing (when no one's watching) and singing my heart out while driving my daily commute.

I have recently started a campaign (or just little project I guess) that aims to put more love in this world. That is where the nice little envelope or hash tag comes in. This past summer I was a counselor at a camp for kids with disabilities. It was an amazing experience and taught me how important it is to love on those people that are around you. During our rest hours and breaks I started writing secret love letters to strangers. I don't really know what motivated me to do it other than I hope to spread love to strangers that maybe could use some.

It started out with one letter and now has grown to a tiny pile of letters. I decided to use the hash tag #‎loveletters2youfromme‬ on each of my cards with the hopes that people might be able to share their story. Each letter is different and comes directly from my heart. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it's genuinely true. I just wrote what came to my mind knowing that it would hopefully impact someone else's life in some way. Before I hide the letters in random places, I always pray over the letter and for the person that will receive it. I may not know the person that will pick up that letter or the things they are going through. One thing I do know is that as humans we desire to feel love and give love. That is the goal of this project. I want you (whether you are a stranger or not) to feel loved and then spread that love to others.  

So if you are reading this today and found one of my crazy love letters during your daily routine, I would love to hear about it. You can comment on here telling me about how you found it, if impacted you or your story. Feel free to spread the love by writing some love letters of your own or sharing this blog post. I am curious to see how much love we can spread to others. 

Well that's all folks. Keep being your awesome and amazing self. Don't ever change who you are, because you are enough. Love yourself and everyone around you. 

Self(ie) Discovery

It seems recently that my generation is into taking selfies for dayssssss. I am definitely one of these people (and I'm not even mad about it...). Some may think it's vain or unnecessary, but I have found that it has lead me to discovering the self love that has been missing in my life.

I am someone that has been overweight for most of my life. It's not an awful thing, but it isn't necessarily great either. If I am being honest with myself (and those around me), I have struggled with self love and having the confidence in myself. Tears have been shed and the thoughts have consumed me. This might be a surprise to some and you might be thinking, "Oh but you're always so happy all the time and seem to love the life you lead." Both of those statements are 100% true. I love the life that God has blessed me with and have found over time that happiness and joy is the thing that will take me to the places in life that I need to get to.

What I can tell you however is that I haven't always been happy in the skin that I am in. There have been countless times that I have stood in front of the mirror and belittled the body I am in and have let those negative thoughts consume me. Now I'm sure I'm not the only one that has done this, but in these dark and negative moments it has sure felt that I was alone and the only one. There is a comment that was said to me by a teacher when I was in high school, that has stuck in the back of head for a very long time. "When I look at you I see disappointment." Those eight words have been written in permanent ink in my being as a person. They haunt me in my times of doubt and have hindered the potential of loving myself in the past.

                        

I could very well let this dark cloud loom over my head and have it impact the way I lead my life, but I have chosen otherwise. I won't let that define who I am. While I'm not pretty and skinny, I'm finding that those two adjectives are not the definition of true inner beauty. I don't let 8 negative words in a hurtful phrase guide the way that I lead my life, instead I live to prove to that teacher that I AM someone and I have potential instead of being a disappointment. It is through great role models, people who encourage me and the maturity that time will bring that I have realized the great value that my inner beauty has in shaping me as a person.


I am no longer the chubby girl who has an outward confidence about her, but still struggles with the inner debates and doubts about her self worth. I am a girl who lets her inner beauty shine for the world to see and is learning to navigate the concept of loving yourself. I am no longer the girl who just likes boys from afar because of the fear that no one would ever love her the way she deserved to be loved. I am now the girl who is letting her walls down and letting people into her life to love her in a way she has never been loved before. I know that a boy will come along and totally rock my world in the way that he cares for me and accepts me for who I am as a whole.


                                       



In this whole process of self acceptance and loving myself I have found that selfies and photos of myself have made a great impact on how I see myself within the world. It is these snapshots in time that have captured the light that gleams in my eyes, the fun loving spirit that is contained in my soul and the desire to love myself just as much as I love those around me. I am not at the end of my self love journey. In fact, this is just the beginning. I am excited to see how this proclamation of self acceptance changes my life and where it takes me.